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This is not to be taken seriously in any way whatsoever…
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Due to the recent increase in fox attacks in the Greater London area, local residents have been calling for immediate action to be taken. Over the last week the London Mayor’s Office had been in discussion with various groups and interested parties and hit on a solution that satisfied all involved.
Yesterday London residents were greeted with the haunting sounds that fitted in more with a period country film than with the everyday sounds of a modern 20th century city. Unused to this sound, residents peered out of buildings and car windows and were greeted by the spectacular, if not a bit peculiar sight of, men on horseback dressed in their traditional red hunting uniforms; their pack of foxhounds already on the trail. The hunters played havoc with city transport systems as they galloped across street intersections and down roads after those pesky little foxes. All over London, people were likely to see horses trailing far behind a pack of howling foxhounds, blowing their horns, riding up and down roads and alleys, leaping over vehicles, and flying across Hyde Park.
Radio stations across London quickly broadcast the well known music of the Fox Hunt and commuters stuck in cars, trains and street facing shops where entertained both visually and audibly. Those car enthusiasts with loud stereo speaker systems installed in their cars played the music for those pedestrians unfortunate enough to be caught unawares.
One set of hunters even managed to get into King’s Cross St Pancreas Station, and other Tube stations after the hounds jumped the ticket barriers. Platforms where quickly cleared as startled commuters were forced to find safety in the carriages while the hunters rode down the platform and into the tunnels; Trains were halted briefly to ensure no injuries to the hunters and commuters.
Some disgruntled rail commuters complained to TFL yesterday evening and this morning that the hunters travelled faster on horseback than the trains with fewer unnecessary delays.
The RSPCA released a statement early yesterday stating that while they did not condone any cruelty to animals, the increase in wild foxes in the City attacking young children was of greater concern. They said that this was a once off stopgap measure to get the situation under control and was restricted to the Greater London Area. Hunters in other areas of the UK were reminded that the Hunt was still banned.
Radio presenters urged motorists to be careful of hitting any stray foxhounds and horses crossing their path unexpectedly but were encouraged to hit the foxes on a 10 point per fox basis. London Traffic Police reported a high incidence of smashed car windows and dented bodywork. A spokesmen for the department said it was more likely from startled horses rearing at the cars than drivers taking matters into their own hands.
The Queen is said to have enjoyed the spectacle of a group of hunters, joined by a unit of Horse Gaurds, majestically riding after a pair of foxes down The Mall and past Buckingham Palace. The Palace Guard is said to have prevented any foxes from seeking sanctuary in the Palace grounds, with Metro Police likewise employed at other locations such as St Paul’s, Westminster Abbey and Cathedral. One fox did manage to make it onto the London Eye. The hunters waiting patiently below took the oppurtunity for much needed refreshment and the hunt continued half an hour later once the fox had had a glimpse of the London skyline. The Houses of Parliament where left uncharacteristically unguarded and politicians and MP’s were ambushed by numerous terrified foxes. The Huntsmen refused to enter and left it up to those inside to clean up the mess.
Hunting Societies and residents around the country called for other cities to consider taking such action to curb their fox problem, while praising this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and calling on the City to make it an annual affair.
At the end of the day, reported sightings of foxes had dropped to the lowest number since records began.
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Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did thinking it up and writing it down!
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